It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
