shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
