So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
