I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just want to make out with him forever
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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