You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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