Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
