He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize