she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Mom said you looked used
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
