Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
