To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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