my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize