If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
