I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
