guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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