are you so shy because you have an std?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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