wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
