I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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