Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
