Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
