They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
