Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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