I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
