one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
