Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was like eating out sand paper
Acid is not a monday night drug
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
