big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
