I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
