He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
