Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
