he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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