Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
