All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Send help, water and tortillas.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
