at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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