hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
