so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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