He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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