Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
