Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
