Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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