My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
