my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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