pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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