nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
