I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
