I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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