I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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