ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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