We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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