You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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