so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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