meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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