I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
