I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
