Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
