It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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