She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We talked him into tasing himself.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize