I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
