Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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