Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
