my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
