she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
3 2 1 whiskey
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
