Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
