no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
