i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
