DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
